Ford Focus Wagon after 130mph impact


Takena little more than a week before the accident

Since yesterday was my mother's birthday, and my sister and I are headed to mediation next week to possibly end ordeal with the insurance company, I thought I would recycle this. It still feels relevant.



Dear Ms Ponygirl,

Our sincerest condolences on your recent loss. We at Lizard Mutual Insurance Conglomerate value your patronage and are here to assist you and your family during this unfortunate time.

In response to your query, let me inform you that the claim is being handled by our finest representatives. As to the relevance of the requested information, please allow me to explain.

The fact that the accident was caused by an under-insured motorist who is serving a prison sentence for two counts of vehicular manslaughter has no impact on the claim against the Under-insured motorist clause of the automobile policy.

In order to approve the claim we must justify the pay-off to our esteemed board of directors and share holders. Therefore, twenty years of medical history are required to establish that neither victim suffered from any disease or infirmity which might have shortened his or her life had they survived the accident. The ten years of medical information from you and your sister are required to prove that you, the beneficiaries, are healthy enough to deserve financial restitution.

Also, any YouTube videos of the accident, or sworn statements from attending medical or law enforcement personel attesting to the degree of conscious pain suffered by your mother and aunt immediately following the incident. These are necessary for providing an estimate of appropriate compensation.

We would be remiss in our duties, if we did not investigate the relationship between the policy holder and the beneficiaries. Would your aunt or your mother have wanted you and your sister to receive this settlement?

Regarding your proof of relationship, the sworn statements of the landlord of the Main Street property where your mother and aunt resided is helpful to establish that they lived together within one mile of your residence. However, we must establish contact between family members. The one answering machine message does not meet our requirements, even if it implies daily contact. That is why birthday cards, holiday cards, travel manifests, copies of boarding passes or toll receipts, family photographs dating from your birth until the accident, and written correspondence were requested. We are sorry that we cannot accept e-mail communications as proof of relationship at this time. The fact that you did not save these things is troublesome and could indicate the possibility of friction between family members. As you stated in your previous correspondence, it is unfortunate that you did not collect and save your tears of grief. They would have been extremely helpful in the consideration of this claim.

If you could provide us with medical and financial history of your maternal and paternal grandparents, as well as submit three (3) DNA samples: one each of hair follicle, saliva, and blood, we will be able to better expedite your Under-insured motorist claim.

Customer service is important to us. Please let us know how we can make this process better for you. If you have comments or complaints, please call (800)RED-TAPE.

Thank you,
The Legal Department at Lizard Mutual Insurance Conglomerate